Caring about someone who is dealing with a devastating loss can be very emotionally taxing.  It is difficult to see someone you love in pain, and it can be hard to be around so much sadness. The role of support person is difficult, especially if you are also grieving a loss yourself.   

Everyone grieves differently, so there is no recipe for the right way to offer support, but there are some guidelines which can be helpful.  

Simply, be present for your person.   

Allow the grieving person to take the lead on conversations.  If they are quiet, let them be quiet… do not try to fill the silence just for the sake of conversation.  

Let them talk as much as they want to.  Listen to the same stories about their loved one over and over.   

There is no timeline for grief.  Do not expect the grieving person to be back to normal in just a few weeks, months or even years. Profound grief can change a person.   

Encourage small outings.  Go for a walk or to the convenience store.  Help develop a plan for what to say or do if someone approaches the grieving person.  Have an exit strategy and code words for “get me out of here”.  

Take care of yourself as well. It is very emotionally taxing to be around a grieving person.  Trade off with other friends to spend time with the grieving person. Plan to take some time for yourself to process your emotions. 

Do not give up on your person.   They need you, even if they push you away.  

Consider gifting the grieving person a grief service such as the one offered by Complete Grief Care.  Gift cards are available and the grieving person an set the services up on their own timeline.  Encourage the grieving person to engage in supports.